Over the summer I shared a playlist of some songs that sort of tell the story of my life. I knew I would be doing a second part, since there are so many songs that I love. It's just taken me awhile to narrow some down. I'll be honest, I could do MANY volumes of soundtracks for me because songs to me are memories of good times and of bad. Since I've had many good and bad times in my life, I could add many songs.
But I've decided to write a playlist that helps describe me in the last year. It's no secret that our fertility journey has had a lot of ups and downs. Unfortunately, there have been more downs than ups. I had a friend tell me that she thought I was handling the second failed IVF better than the first. And I agreed. There's a couple of reasons why. This second failure was more definite than the first. Last year when it didn't work, the doctors gave us scenarios of things that could have gone wrong, and why next time would be a better outcome. There were more options. This time they didn't give us that optimism and more options like the first. It was a kind of like a breakup. The first time it was a breakup that was complicated. We still had questions that needed to be answered and thought we could make it work. But this second IVF was a clean split breakup. We knew it was truly done, and nothing else is an option, so why hold on to this idea. So that's one reason it may be easier to stomach. But mainly, I am a different person than I was one year ago. I'm stronger and more brave person. I have a belief and faith about life that I didn't have one short year ago.
In the last two and a half years (the amount of time we've been trying to have a baby) I've tried all kinds of ways to make myself feel better - surrounding myself with friends and family, shopping, crying, complaining, laughing, wine and margaritas, eating junk food... And all of those work for a little bit. Let me say that I have the BEST, most supportive husband, family, and friends. They're amazing. But they aren't with me all the time. And the the crying/complaining/laughing those help in the moment, but the worries about what's going to happen next still come back. The same goes for the wine and snacks. They fill a void for a little bit, but then those worrisome feelings come back. But I needed more. Something constant to give me strength and hope. I've always been a believer in God and I've always prayed. But last year after our first failed round, I started digging deeper. I needed more support and I felt like the church had my answers. I just jumped right in - not letting myself miss Sunday services, volunteering at church, praying more, and (what the whole point of this post is) listening to music that brought me that peace, strength, faith, and hope that I needed. And so when this last egg retrieval wasn't successful, it wasn't as hard to take. Don't get me wrong, it's horrible and I've been sad. BUT I know that there is truly a wonderful plan for my life and for my family. Right now I'm just so thankful that God put Bryan in my life. He knew I wouldn't be able to have biological children. So He put Bryan in my life because Bryan has two kids. Two kids that are now mine too. For that I'm truly blessed and thankful. There's more greatness to come for our family, and I'm hopeful and excited for the future. I know some are like "Hey, get on with it. Where's the whole playlist?!" So here you go. Here are just a few of my favorite songs that have helped me to get to the wonderful state that I'm in right now.
I hope you listen to them all! I smile when I hear each of them, and they help give a little boost, a reminder to have faith, and to be grateful for what you have! :)
This is the first contemporary Christian song that I just fell in love with. Still a favorite for sure!
These next two are new favorites. To me they're a must for an uplifting playlist! :)
I have always loved Danny Gokey, and these two songs of his are some musts for a great positive playlist! If you listen to ANY of the songs on here, listen to Hope in Front of Me!
I could go on and on with my inspirational playlist, but I'll end with just two more. I love the show Nashville and these young singers. These two songs have been on my itunes playlist for a long time now, and I still listen to them regularly. These girls aren't labeled as Christian singers, but I think the message these songs give are great. They're awesome reminders of what a wonderful life I have right now, and to be thankful for that.
Ok, I know I said to listen to Danny Gokey, BUT This last song is probably the one that I want everyone to hear. Times get hard. Remember though, that it can be worse. Embrace what you have and be thankful for it! There are more things I want in my life and not everything has been going in the way that I planned. But this helps remind me that right now, I'm living a truly great life. And I'm so happy for that. <3
